I am aware that the following might sound harsh even a touch misanthropic. Please view it as a public service announcement
I must consign the following and all ‘medya’ comments to a new blog ( working title-Landfill ) just as soon as I find further time and patience and the will to live.
There are mercifully exceptions in the Fourth Estate. Orla Guerin is one of possibly 6 maybe 7 Irish born who are actually good at their job without any apparent need to be greater than their story.
A future name to look out is Francesca Comyn. She might be saved by moving to Al Jazeera or Auntie Beeb .
No harm was done to winged creatures or 4 legged animals in making the following comments, and that’s good!
Where to begin?
Those who ought to be publicly flogged are not only the gombeen political troupe or the financial wideboys but members of the Fourth Estate (a term they love as confers a status)
I speak of the self- aggrandising, self-enriching venal tarts commonly referred to as the media in Ireland and their exponential golden circle of ‘rent a cliché gobs’ of the soft t’ Oirish genus.
In medieval times they would have been eviscerated, boiled for witchcraft and fed to four-legged animals.
Newsreaders announce the latest road tragedy like some Disney event with a vocal range from happy clappy to brainlessly chirpy
They phonate “Dats all from us! You’re now up to daihet!. Send us your comments on tw**ter.”, or join us now -on Face***k! See article 7 Billion.
Print columnists when not prostituting themselves on telly, have youthful looking byline pictures of themselves preceding their smug opinions.
Surely no one reads or listens or buys it! The luvvies must rely on
THE JNLR SURVEY US TOO! WE BOOST IRISH TV RADIO RATINGS. baahaaaaaaa
Not sp long ago as to forget there was something called
The Jacobs Award.
ca. 1963-1993 Irish broadcasters took the biscuit (not in the literal sense unless they actually ate the fig rolls but close enough!) and they turned up in glitter, gowns and gormless grins. The women too!
It wasn’t work to cure diabetes or cancer. It wasn’t the Nobel or Pulitzer or even a trinket from AMPAS. It was the ‘me dee ya’ in Ireland for Jacobs sake!
What’s the difference betwixt this
firm of accountants Kenny Byrne and Tubridy.
Curley Moe and Larry.
Very little on the surface we would all agree.
Note the car door lettering. Have you ever seen the six in a room together at the same time? I rest my case M’Lord!
Except one trio (b&w bottom) were in show-business, and the other trio (atop in color but colourless) are in their own business.
One trio are dead. The other while ostensibly alive-die very often in public!
One trio passed over painfully and horribly (cerebral and cardiac complications) The other trio haven’t …..but have been causing horrible pain to locals for decades.
Where is Karma, I ask you?
I voluntarily listen (during ablutions in the morning) to Ireland’s ‘serious’ stations. The clichéd ‘spake’ alone is nauseating.
Blame game is this news or sport or both?
Step up to the plate OK, we’re in the diamond. Baseball and not culinary arts?
From Left Field yes-it’s baseball all right!
When did baseball become so popular on this side of the Atlantic. Babe Ruth is smiling somewhere
Level playing field we could be playing a few sports now.
On message Now it’s tactics!!!!!
Final analysis. Usually it is when analysed, until the next analysis.
The rest is history as senseless as ‘make poverty history’ Both without a hint of English grammar too
Sea change is that a Tsunami approacing?
We have a situation Sure do! Was in a playing field some time ago
A ha moment what has a Norwegian pop band to do with news
Perfect storm we talked already about the situation with the sea change! Come On!
Tipping point the waves…the waves….the waves….the waves?
Be afraid, be very afraid A Judge told me that mitigating circumstances for GBH would be taken into account if someone were to say this to me
Thinking outside the box I wish someone would try; either in or out, just once!
This fatuous forty or so I’ll leave you to decipher….
Between the lines
Is what it is
Point in time
Up to speed
Having said that
Wake up call
Bring it on
Time is running out
Make no mistake
Window of opportunity
Raise the bar
Any way, shape or form
Continue the conversation
In a perfect world
Par for the course
Reinvent the wheel
At this moment in time
In all honesty
Take full responsibility
Those were the days
Resolve the issue
Hard earned money
Begs the question
One thing is certain
On the same page
Pushing the envelope ? Really?
This is Test Pilot terminology which loses meaning in any other context! Of course if you work in a stationary shop, it’s ok !
Not rocket science and Not brain surgery Again, how would they know? Hack hubris knows no bounds
Then the luvvies bleat “send us your feedback /twitter us /or on Facebook /or text us”
Really? I don’t think so. 12 years ago Instant Messaging was as far as my Luddite spirit would go.
“There’s more” says PK . Jimmy Cricket is embarrassed by that catchphrase 30 years on
In case I didn’t make it clear
WITHOUT THE SORRY BIT!
Cable conglomerate with national broadcaster track viewer behaviour while synchronising commercials to run at the same time which interrupts bad programmes for the unwary.
I left broadband to tune into ‘The Irish in America! Sounds familiar! This time we were promised a new slant ‘ Da Oirish influence on fillums in Ameri Kay’.
Not looking for gold this time?
Why not slap the picture above to the screen and save the licence payer several hundred grand?
“From Hell’s Kitchen to Hollywood” The title must have been the deal maker. Judas wept! So Lugs Kelly went with a motley crew went on a ‘translan’ jolly.
Last time there was the cliché Mustang car hired albeit the 2005 version and gayly yellow.
Years after the UK sent their lot (Fry or was it Laurie) to have a look at the 50 States; the Oirish try another slant or caper in 2013. I know there’s a’gathering’ but rehashing this threadbare material to sell more advertising to the license payer is a bit rich.
Come back Mike Murphy! Oh oh! he did! Maybe his bubble burst in Florida too.
On the plus side,
Orla Guerin as I said elsewhere, is a shining example of a journalist. There are a few still who tell the simple facts in a straight forward way.
One who is not, nor shining, is Olivia O’Leary!. I suppose she once bloomed in a Mary McAleese sort of way, but now she’s like a Valentines rose on February 15th: forgotten and still comes with an old message that has passed by it’s date.
O’Leary’s Alma Mater in D.4 apparently hires her to do a ‘Vocem Sapientis’ on the wireless. Despite what both parties like to think; she is not Alistair Cooke. More Roger Cook!
Ms. O. if you must do the Urbi et Orbi schtick could you desist from using the ‘we’ when referring to another shortcoming in the collective Irish psyche.
It took a long difficult road but I’ve individuated and I don’t play for the team anymore.
There’s no I in team by the way; but there is M E.
More often than not during a link between gossip and more gossip in a serious News Department someone tries to be ‘funny’. I mean intentionally so, as they do it so well unintentionally. 7am-9am prime time, some fool injects a pun or some drivel. A pause! Torrents of laughter, ensues.
Has Larry David entered the room?
” Pretty Pretty
Little was ever original in Irish broadcasting. The five decades of ersatz entertainment and imports from the UK and our cousins in the US-must have been a huge saving on programme research and development.
*I’m guessing a desk does exist if not a door marked Programme Development to give an impression of ‘originality’
Why is there a need for a license fee? Duh!
It goes some of the way to pay the troupe of ‘talent’ a kings ransom
in case another broadcast corporation of the world would sign them up!
Meanwhile not too far away people who pay the most, are curiously ‘prone’ to shopping.
Random Tedious Effluenza and Newsquak!
If RTE are the flagship of Irish broadcasting or the Costa Con Dire, then start looking for lifeboats!
“RTE supporting the arts” a voice over munchkin intones. Curiously true,as many of the ‘talent’ managed to acquire an simple arts degree before joining up. Isn’t life strange?
Speaking of accents; when did Irish people start saying ‘Coirk’ for Cork?
Where did that awful inflection at the end of sentences come from? Was Australian TV an electronic babysitter to the pampered generation during the 1980’s.
Other vocal artistes try but fail to impress in a US accent extolling some
‘ must see moovee’.
aR Tee E. 20th/9/2012
I tune in for a few minutes to hear if a cultural uprising against the message but more hopfully the messenger has broken out.
Nah! No chance! It’s La La Ireland. People are easily satisfied!
Uncle Pat (best chemical engineer in very light entertainment 1980-20oo, before finding his feet in entertainment lately) is sounding more and more like an impression of himself.
The inflections and emphases often go into hyper-drive, . Any more PK-isms such as “the optics”, and ‘the law of unintended consequences’ and Apres Match satire team could be out of business.
I heard a health executive person (an executive of the Executive, or the top executive if you follow) say “300,000 people on a waiting list is bad. The good news is…we are now making a decision on what to do”.
“Vot a country”!
Oirish radio as ever followed all other broadcasters worldwide by having podcasts. The problem now is, it makes the miss-able……less miss-able!
Rte (cailin whispers another voice -over) “so bad we play it twice!”
You heard it a million times; you heard it once!
Daffy Duck requested not to have his picture associated with this subject. He was overruled.
Media schools probably urge herds of ‘wannabees’ to ‘be themselves’. Being oneself is a problem in Oirish broadcasting. So much worse with a microphone.
“The tree girls went the udder way (sic) “
This diction brings to mind several images, and has at least two meanings. It could be women tree arborists milking a cow. Or it could be something too explicit for WordPress.
Then we have ……
“Dats all ? Who is Dat, and why is he/she, all of it?
“Der you have it” – Who is Der, and what have you given him or hercand why?
Or full-blown Lyric FM presenters*** -not only with the affliction mentioned but with with a risable pretence that they are polyglots just by the machination of over-phrasing foreign words.
” Dat was Beethoven der!” They throw in ‘of course’ as in ” dat was Heydn der, of course ” when they get bored with their normal levels of condescension.
Now for sometime their play list was the height of complaisance as it accommodated the perceived musical knowledge of their audience. From listening to a few of their podcasts (useful tool for condensing pain in byte sizes) -the Lyric troupe now ask for listeners to submit their choices. How nice!
G.Hamilton* sports commentator and cultural icon being the exception. Although his liking of Elgar’s ‘pomp & circumstance’ relegates him badly in my view to lower championship level.
It takes all Oirish stations quite a bit of time to decide where the syllabic emphasis should be intoned for foreign names. Just in the last decade alone, David Ginola, Thierry Henri, et Sarkozy had their respective names ‘chewed’.
Somewhere the clamour of an overworked producer-director is heard “Never mind the Hungarian roots of Sarky- Pat!-just feckin say sumptin ’til ye get used to it”.
You’re as bad a Eileen and Una in the newsroom for asking”!
Update! The French voted in another guy. “just drop the ‘H’–and get on with it! It’s all on da auto-cue!
The director will later go home, kick his pussy-cat and cry “If only the license payers knew the salary of these newsreaders”.
Speaking of which……
Any remote regard RTE might have for their audience rings hollow in the the license fee campaign. The target audience are taught in a step by step way how to pay up. It takes condescension to a new level. Unlike their programmes.
So it’s a marriage of convenience; but guess who holds the prenuptial contract!
Want more codology?
A Newstalk commentator at a match between Wales and Ireland uttered—“crowd is well short of the expected numbers”. His thick accent conjoined the syllables. He was not aware of the pun! Welshort!
There are some microphonies who think apeing the ‘foksy spake’ of Michael O ‘Hehir is the method to follow. G.Canning and M. Morrissey are just two.
However with the new rugby craze of the last few years someone called Corcoran has hitched a ride on the truck of hyper-crazed commentary. This gob manages to outdo the O’Hehiritis and everyone before him.
Down homesy verbal diarrhea and confused logic abound. ” O’Connell literally sprang out from the depths of the earth” Corcoran the cretin shouted
Could anything be worse? I’ll rephrase that! Could anything be as bad in one small country. Frankly yes!
TV 3, or TV Tree as they would have it.
Not as beautiful as a Sequoia , but thicker than the thickest one. A pen of folk who prefer to sit on sofas and lunch all day complaining in many different ways. Where did feminism go wrong? Why are men not able to multi-task? It really is so…..
TV 3’s wireless step-sibling Newsqualk FM meanwhile supports failed politicians; failed economists; failed U2 wishabe pop singers; and failed sports people
Or maybe they are people in transition. They may not have a Montrose contract but the ‘Sky’ is always the limit!!!
How much will ya pay me ? Shure! Who needs a soul?
A shower of unluvables whose only ability is to reverse the adage – ‘ye heard it a million times; ye heard it once’ .
Newsquak have some line they strap “It’s not just news you know!”
It’s diabolical nonsense, with a twist!
The latest perversity is to have someone called O’Donovan (or donkey to his friends) read a prepared segment in ‘Gaelic’ on a random subject so badly that if that other smooth Gaelic speaker Gerry Adams whacked him with an Armalite; he would be pardoned. 2nd degree manslaughter for cynical cultural destruction, a mitigating factor
I wonder if this satisfies the commercial radio license agreement, BCI-Broadcast Commission of Ireland?
I asked. They hadn’t a clue. Nothing was or has been done
Dat’s all folks!
The Me- D- Ya is the message!
I refer exclusively to the presenters-glitterati with the microphone phoniness.
The off-stage staff are not a target. Sound and vision staff while on decent money, usually deserve it, not least in the face of great provocation. It’s amazing how discreet they are.
(A declaration of fact and certainly not jealousy as I know a little about the subconscious. I had a flirtation and then a very brief unsatisfying affair with television and radio broadcasting at one time, having previously sabotaged a possible career in the Hades of ‘adverteasings’.
It was destined to end in divorce. There hangs a tale for a less interesting paragraph from a chapter of a book yet to be written. My autobiography will be in a bookshop when the shelves are cleared of ‘celebrity’. As of now the latter is unlikely so the former is on hold! Working title “Fate Falls Furiously”)
May I insert my latest profundity here ” For every clown at the top (a surfeit of them in Oirland) there are at least a score who would be equally at home in a circus”
Pronunciation of foreign nouns
FYUU-dur Dahs-tuh-YEF-skee was a Russian writer -not a name drop of the chatterati “dosstoyes ski”.
There was a lot of snow but little recreation time for Fyodor to ski.
POO-teen is the current pronunciation of the Russian Federation boss whether people like it or not! PuTIN is not!
duh-GAH Degas is one of many artists whose works are displayed at the LOOV-ruh
Duh-by oo Debussy tinkled on the ebony and ivory.
SAR-truh et Duh-bo-vahrrr were philosophical intimates.
Loord where a miracle might happen to bring correct pronunciation to the angliscised world! Not Lourdes!
one for the mindless ‘moooveee’ reviewers
Scorsese is NOT Scorsaysee
‘It’s Scor sessi’ Marty said!
Let’s decompress at Jango website once more
In the Waiting Line, Red Dust, Comfort Zone, Red Eye, Hayling, Peaceful Day, Konkret, Blue Grassland, Sparks,
Treat yourself again to Adam K and Soha Mix of Kaskade
More from the last century…..
New York Minute Eagles
California Dreaming Mamas&Papas
Just a Song Before I go CSN
A few years ago, a high-end campaign for a high-end car had the incidental music, ‘The Good Life’. The lyrics were written originally in an ironic sense. Some might say it was not a great endorsement for the product
Every item can be sold without nuance or subtlety nowadays. Fundamentally “why waste money and time selling with costly creative ideas when society has been primed to buy most things, most of the time for a century”
Daffy Duck’s agent demanded he be deleted from this topic or litigation would ensue.
Don’t get me started on the Irish standard of advertising. The most offending one currently is so bad it actually suits the show! Liveline with Lyons Tea. Richer tea for richer talk!
On what level does that make sense, I ask you? Infantile level? Remedial?
If an alien had parked their hypersonic craft in Ireland over the last few years they might be forgiven for thinking that someone called Kathryn Of the Thomases was Queen Or that another someone called Craig of the Doyles was King.
Craig the Sincere out of a caste of professional ‘Dubliners’. The Fanning of the Fakists, D’ Murray the Piteous, and Tomas Dunne Scotus, previous servant of the Bono household. All from a lineage of insincere Hibernians stretching to the McGurk dynasty!
No sensible extra-terrestrial would waste their time with such earth bound self-replicating reptilian life forms.
I see one of the Seoige’s or Showages (the one who is not as pretty as the other 0ne that thinks she is prettier) had another excuse to make herself seem ‘important’.
Seemingly she had the Big C. No-not a contract for Channel 4. She had meant ‘cancer’.
There never was a threat to her life of course with comprehensive private health and Blackrock Clinic being on speed dial! She chose iodine treatment. The surgery option would have meant a snip around the parathyroid glands where nerves control the vocal chords.
Missed opportunity Doc!
A programme on her suffering was aired later I believe! Series to come. Look out for the box-set.
While on the healing arts…..
A website had a comment on the HSE” they are incompotent, (sic) when will situation improve?
Perhaps the HSE might do so more speedily than the spelling! Incompetence is lack of competence. Administrative incompetence is dysfunctional administrative behaviors that hinder attainment of organization goals.The other ‘potency’ needs a medical check-up.
Before another award season begins somewhere in OIrland a luvvy is overheard to mutter
“Times are so hard. It’s difficult finding the right agent to get the right exposure. I’ve had my fill of panel and reality. OK! Sure it pays for Surly and Dylan at Sion and Gonza all right; but it’s not the kinda exposure level for ‘ME‘”
“It’s just appalling! The sheep-I mean our fans are too stupefied. It’s so hard to keep the pretence going that we care about them”.Why do the IFTA’s have to clash with Cloe’s wedding in Budapest this weekend?. Life is so unfair! ” Does my bum look too big in this” . If only it were the BAFTAs not the IFTAS. More Bolly?
Camera right darling-SMILE! “
The world is doomed
- 1955 I’m outta here, suckers!
If there is a need for more voices in the morning, there is always World Service / Radio4, at Portland Square, where talent and pay is tolerably commensurate with each other.
Not always perfect but a different level to wireless on John Bull’s other Island.
Friday 4/4/2013 6.40 am on BBC Radio 4 Sarah Montague vocalised ” White House ..eh Whitehall said today ……
Was she stating the reality, the actual truth, or was it parapraxis?
Still in the murky depths of psychoanalysis with a Radio4 Today motif -a few years ago Mr Humphries on a reality series involving artistic painting said “this is harder to do than nuclear fission”-when his doodles didn’t quite meet the standard of other celebrity efforts at art.
So he understands Nuclear Physics too! What hubris!
This is not nuclear physics but it’s appropriate enough OK!
A comment I left with Radio 4
Lead found in rice imported to the US. That’s symbolic at least!
Sport prognostication for Switzerland tonight April 4 2013
Basel won Fawlty (Spurs) didn’t!
< These articles are brought to you without product endorsements and largely free from clichés viz. ‘literally, ironically, invariably, and nonsense interjections ” as you do’ or ‘if you will’ or ‘ I would have thought’. or ‘shure shure>
I rest my case for the prosecution M’ lord. I emphasise those who I do admire and who deserve great praise.
They are most nurses, doctors, emergency service staff, and generally all who are actually indispensable ie utility/ electric/gas/sanitation workers.
Similar gratitude to waitresses, hairdressers, shop assistants, and all who work in day-to-day services for a pay which is not commensurate to its usefulness.
Finally, great praise to the ‘new Irish’ (foreign workers as wireless people are prone to say). More often than not they easily outshine the more grumpy native variety.
text copyright MOSAherne 2013. All Rights Reserved.