I am aware that the following might sound harsh even a touch misanthropic. Please view it as a public service or maybe a public health announcement
I might consign media comments to a new blog ( working title-Landfill ) just as soon as I find further time and patience and the will to live.
There are mercifully some exceptions to the mediocre. Orla Guerin is one of possibly 5 Irish born who are actually good at their job without any apparent need to be greater than their story.
A future name to look out is Francesca Comyn. She might save herself by moving to Al Jazeera or Auntie Beeb .
Where to begin?
Those who ought to be publicly flogged are the self- aggrandising, self-enriching venal tarts commonly referred to as the media in Ireland and their exponential golden circle of ‘rent a cliché gobs’
In medieval times they would have been eviscerated, boiled for witchcraft and fed to four-legged animals.
Newsreaders announce the latest road tragedy like some Disney event with a vocal range from happy clappy to brainlessly chirpy
They phonate “Dats all from us! You’re now up to daihet!. Send us your comments on tw**ter.”, or join us now -on Face***k!
Print columnists when not prostituting themselves on telly have youthful looking byline pictures of themselves preceding their smug opinions.
Surely no one reads or listens or buys it! The luvvies must rely on
THE JNLR SURVEY US TOO! WE BOOST IRISH TV RADIO RATINGS. baahaaaaaaa
Not s0 long ago that one could forget there was something called
The Jacobs Award.
ca. 1963-1993 Irish broadcasters took the biscuit (not in the literal sense unless they actually ate the fig rolls but close enough!) when they turned up in glitter, gowns and gormless grins to receive their coveted prize. Women also were there!
It wasn’t a Nobel or Pulitzer. And it wasn’t work to find a cure for diabetes or cancer.
What’s the difference between this
firm of accountants Mssrs. Kenny Byrne and Tubridy.
Curley Moe and Larry.
Very little on the surface we all agree.
Note the car door lettering. Have you ever seen the six in a room together at the same time? I rest my case!
However, one trio (b&w bottom) were in show-business, and the other trio (atop in color but colourless) are in their own business.
One trio are dead. The other while ostensibly alive, die very often in public!
One trio passed over painfully and horribly (cerebral and cardiac complications) The other trio haven’t sadly, but have been causing horrible pain for decades.
Where is Karma, I ask you?
I voluntarily listen during ablutions in the morning to Ireland’s ‘serious’ stations. The clichés and media speak is nauseating.
Blame game is this news or sport or both?
Step up to the plate OK, we’re in the diamond. Baseball and not culinary arts?
From Left Field yes-it’s baseball all right!
When did baseball become so popular on this side of the Atlantic. Babe Ruth is smiling somewhere
Level playing field we could be playing a few sports now.
On message Now it’s tactics!!!!!
Final analysis. Usually it is when analysed, until the next analysis.
The rest is history as senseless as ‘make poverty history’ Both without a hint of English grammar too
Sea change is that a Tsunami approacing?
We have a situation Sure do! Was in a playing field some time ago
A ha moment what has a Norwegian pop band to do with news
Perfect storm we talked already about the situation with the sea change! Come On!
Tipping point the waves…the waves….the waves….the waves?
Be afraid, be very afraid A Judge told me that mitigating circumstances for GBH would be taken into account if someone were to say this to me
Thinking outside the box I wish someone would try; either in or out, just once!
This fatuous forty I’ll leave you to decipher….
Between the lines
Is what it is
Point in time
Up to speed
Having said that
Wake up call
Bring it on
Time is running out
Make no mistake
Window of opportunity
Raise the bar
Any way, shape or form
Continue the conversation
In a perfect world
Par for the course
Reinvent the wheel
At this moment in time
In all honesty
Take full responsibility
Those were the days
Resolve the issue
Hard earned money
Begs the question
One thing is certain
On the same page
Pushing the envelope ? Really?
This is a Aviator Test Pilot term which loses meaning in any other context! Unless you work in a stationary shop.
Not rocket science and Not brain surgery
Again, how would they know?
Then the luvvies bleat
“send us your feedback /twitter us /or on Facebook /or text us”
Really? I don’t think so.
“There’s more” says PK . An old comedian somewhere is appalledcthat his catch phrase is used by such a portentious clown.
In case I didn’t make it clear
WITHOUT THE SORRY BIT!
RTE. ‘The Irish in America! Sounds familiar! This time we were promised a new slant ‘ Da Oirish influence on fillums in Ameri Kay’.
Why didn’t they slap the picture above to the screen and save the licence payer several hundred grand?
“From Hell’s Kitchen to Hollywood” The title must have been the deal maker. Lugs Kelly and crew went on another jolly.
On the plus side,
Orla Guerin as I said elsewhere is a shining example of a journalist. There are a few who give the facts in a straight forward way.
One who doesn’t and hasn’t been in bloom for decades is Olivia O’Leary!. She does a ‘Vocem Sapientis’ every so often when it seems she comes out of her widowed retirement to lecture all who might listen. She’s not Alistair Cooke. More Roger Cook!
If she must do the Urbi et Orbi schtick could she desist from using the ‘we’ when referring to the nation and people
More often than not during a link between gossip and more gossip in a News Department someone tries to be ‘funny’. I mean intentionally so. 7am-9am some fool injects a pun or talks drivel. Torrents of laughter.
Has Larry David entered the room?
” Pretty Pretty
Little was ever original in Irish broadcasting. I’m guessing a desk if not a door marked Programme Development exists to give an impression of originality
5 decades of imports from the UK and the US-must have been a huge saving. Why is there a need for a license fee? That must be to pay the ‘talent’ a kings ransom
Why? In case a real World standard broadcast corporation signs them up!
Audiences meanwhile are ‘prone’ to shopping.
Random Tedious Effluenza and Newsquak!
If RTE are the flagship of Irish broadcasting or a Costa Con Dire if you will, then start looking for lifeboats!
“RTE supporting the arts” a munchkin voice intones. True, as many of the ‘talent’ managed to acquire a basic arts degree.
Speaking of accents when did Irish people start saying ‘Coirk’ for Cork?
Where did that awful inflection at the end of sentences come from? Was it from a diet of Australian TV during the 1980’s.
Other vocal artistes fail to impress with US accents ‘ must see moovee’.
I tune in for a few minutes to hear if a cultural uprising has broken out against the message and messenger.
No chance! It’s La La Ireland. People are easily satisfied!
Pat K one of the best chemical engineers in light entertainment 1980-20oo sounds more and more like an impression of himself of late.
The inflections and emphases often go into hyper-drive, . Any more PK-isms such as “the optics”, and ‘the law of unintended consequences’ and Apres Match satire team could be out of business.
I heard a health executive person (an executive of the Executive, or the top executive if you follow) say “300,000 people on a waiting list is bad. The good news is…we are now making a decision on what to do”.
“Vot a country”!
Oirish radio as ever followed all other broadcasters worldwide by having podcasts. The problem now is, it makes the miss-able……less miss-able!
Rte (cailin whispers another voice -over) “so bad we play it twice!”
You heard it a million times; you heard it once!
Daffy Duck requested not to have his picture associated with this subject. He was overruled.
Media schools probably urge herds of ‘wannabees’ to ‘be themselves’. Being oneself is a problem in Oirish broadcasting. So much worse with a microphone.
“The tree girls went the udder way (sic) “
This diction brings to mind several images, and has at least two meanings. It could be women tree arborists milking a cow. Or it could be something too explicit for WordPress.
Then we have ……
“Dats all ? Who is Dat, and why is he/she, all of it?
“Der you have it” – Who is Der, and what have you given him or hercand why?
Or full-blown Lyric FM presenters*** -not only with the affliction mentioned but with with a risable pretence that they are polyglots just by the machination of over-phrasing foreign words.
” Dat was Beethoven der!” They throw in ‘of course’ as in ” dat was Heydn der, of course ” when they get bored with their normal levels of condescension.
Now for sometime their play list was the height of complaisance as it accommodated the perceived musical knowledge of their audience. From listening to a few of their podcasts (useful tool for condensing pain in byte sizes) -the Lyric troupe now ask for listeners to submit their choices. How nice!
G.Hamilton* sports commentator and cultural icon being the exception. Although his liking of Elgar’s ‘pomp & circumstance’ relegates him badly in my view to lower championship level.
It takes all Oirish stations quite a bit of time to decide where the syllabic emphasis should be intoned for foreign names. Just in the last decade alone, David Ginola, Thierry Henri, et Sarkozy had their respective names ‘chewed’.
Somewhere the clamour of an overworked producer-director is heard “Never mind the Hungarian roots of Sarky- Pat!-just feckin say sumptin ’til ye get used to it”.
You’re as bad a Eileen and Una in the newsroom for asking”!
Update! The French voted in another guy. “just drop the ‘H’–and get on with it! It’s all on da auto-cue!
The director will later go home, kick his pussy-cat and cry “If only the license payers knew the salary of these newsreaders”.
Speaking of which……
Any remote regard RTE might have for their audience rings hollow in the the license fee campaign. The target audience are taught in a step by step way how to pay up. It takes condescension to a new level. Unlike their programmes.
So it’s a marriage of convenience; but guess who holds the prenuptial contract!
Want more codology?
A Newstalk commentator at a match between Wales and Ireland uttered—“crowd is well short of the expected numbers”. His thick accent conjoined the syllables. He was not aware of the pun! Welshort!
There are some microphonies who think apeing the ‘foksy spake’ of Michael O ‘Hehir is the method to follow. G.Canning and M. Morrissey are just two.
However with the new rugby craze of the last few years someone called Corcoran has hitched a ride on the truck of hyper-crazed commentary. This gob manages to outdo the O’Hehiritis and everyone before him.
Down homesy verbal diarrhea and confused logic abound. ” O’Connell literally sprang out from the depths of the earth” Corcoran the cretin shouted
Could anything be worse? I’ll rephrase that! Could anything be as bad in one small country. Frankly yes!
TV 3, or TV Tree as they would have it.
Not as beautiful as a Sequoia , but thicker than the thickest one. A pen of folk who prefer to sit on sofas and lunch all day complaining in many different ways. Where did feminism go wrong? Why are men not able to multi-task? It really is so…..
TV 3’s wireless step-sibling Newsqualk FM meanwhile supports failed politicians; failed economists; failed U2 wishabe pop singers; and failed sports people
Or maybe they are people in transition. They may not have a Montrose contract but the ‘Sky’ is always the limit!!!
How much will ya pay me ? Shure! Who needs a soul?
A shower of unluvables whose only ability is to reverse the adage – ‘ye heard it a million times; ye heard it once’ .
Newsquak have some line they strap “It’s not just news you know!”
It’s diabolical nonsense, with a twist!
The latest perversity is to have someone called O’Donovan (or donkey to his friends) read a prepared segment in ‘Gaelic’ on a random subject so badly that if that other smooth Gaelic speaker Gerry Adams whacked him with an Armalite; he would be pardoned. 2nd degree manslaughter for cynical cultural destruction, a mitigating factor
I wonder if this satisfies the commercial radio license agreement, BCI-Broadcast Commission of Ireland?
I asked. They hadn’t a clue. Nothing was or has been done
Dat’s all folks!
The Me- D- Ya is the message!
I refer exclusively to the presenters-glitterati with the microphone phoniness.
The off-stage staff are not a target. Sound and vision staff while on decent money, usually deserve it, not least in the face of great provocation. It’s amazing how discreet they are.
(A declaration of fact and certainly not jealousy as I know a little about the subconscious. I had a flirtation and then a very brief unsatisfying affair with television and radio broadcasting at one time, having previously sabotaged a possible career in the Hades of ‘adverteasings’.
It was destined to end in divorce. There hangs a tale for a less interesting paragraph from a chapter of a book yet to be written. My autobiography will be in a bookshop when the shelves are cleared of ‘celebrity’. As of now the latter is unlikely so the former is on hold! Working title “Fate Falls Furiously”)
May I insert my latest profundity here ” For every clown at the top (a surfeit of them in Oirland) there are at least a score who would be equally at home in a circus”
Pronunciation of foreign nouns
FYUU-dur Dahs-tuh-YEF-skee was a Russian writer -not a name drop of the chatterati “dosstoyes ski”.
There was a lot of snow but little recreation time for Fyodor to ski.
POO-teen is the current pronunciation of the Russian Federation boss whether people like it or not! PuTIN is not!
duh-GAH Degas is one of many artists whose works are displayed at the LOOV-ruh
Duh-by oo Debussy tinkled on the ebony and ivory.
SAR-truh et Duh-bo-vahrrr were philosophical intimates.
Loord where a miracle might happen to bring correct pronunciation to the angliscised world! Not Lourdes!
one for the mindless ‘moooveee’ reviewers
Scorsese is NOT Scorsaysee
‘It’s Scor sessi’ Marty said!
Let’s decompress at Jango website once more
In the Waiting Line, Red Dust, Comfort Zone, Red Eye, Hayling, Peaceful Day, Konkret, Blue Grassland, Sparks,
Treat yourself again to Adam K and Soha Mix of Kaskade
More from the last century…..
New York Minute Eagles
California Dreaming Mamas&Papas
Just a Song Before I go CSN
A few years ago a high-end campaign for a high-end car had incidental music, ‘The Good Life’. The lyrics were written originally in an ironic sense and by implication it would not be a positive endorsement for that motor
Nowadays every item can be sold without nuance or subtlety. Why waste money and time selling with creative ideas when society has been primed to buy most things most of the time
Don’t get me started on the Irish advertising. The most offending one circa 2011-2013 was so bad it actually suited the show!
‘Liveline with Lyons Tea. Richer tea for richer talk’
On what level does that make sense, I ask you?
Infantile or Remedial?
If an alien had parked their hypersonic craft in Ireland over the last few years they might be forgiven for thinking that someone called Kathryn Of the Thomases was Queen Or that another someone called Craig of the Doyles was King.
Craig the Sincere out of a caste of professional ‘Dubliners’. The Fanning of the Fakists, D’ Murray the Piteous, and Tomas Dunne Scotus, previous servant of the Bono household. All from a lineage of insincere Hibernians stretching to the McGurk dynasty!
No sensible extra-terrestrial would waste their time with such earth bound self-replicating reptilian life forms.
I see one of the Seoige’s or is it Showages (the one who is not as pretty as the other 0ne that knows she’s prettier) had another excuse to make herself seem important or human
Seemingly she had the Big C. Not a contract for Channel 4 but cancer. Sadly it was the very benign type. Harsh?
There never was a threat to her life as she would have Blackrock Clinic on speed dial! A programme on her suffering was aired. A series to come. Look out for the box-set.
An Irish media comment on our Health Service Executive
” they are incompotent, (sic) when will situation improve?
Incompetence is lack of competence. Administrative incompetence is dysfunctional administrative behaviors that hinder attainment of organization goals.The other ‘potency’ needs a medical check-up.
Before another award season in Ireland a luvvy is overheard to mutter
“Times are so hard. It’s difficult finding the right agent to get the right exposure. I’ve had my fill of panel and reality. OK! Sure it pays for Saoirse and Dylan’s tutoring at Sion and Gonza, but it’s not the exposure level for ‘ME‘”
“It’s just appalling! The sheep-I mean our fans are too stupefied. It’s so hard to keep the pretence going that we care about them”.Why do the IFTA’s have to clash with Cloe’s wedding in Budapest this weekend?. Life is so unfair! ” Does my bum look too big in this” . If only it were the BAFTAs not the IFTAS. Where’s the camera darling?
There is always Radio4 and all the wonders of the BBC at Portland Square, where talent and pay is tolerably commensurate with each other.
29.1.2015. My photos at BBC Portland Square are currently unavailable as pictureperfect below I will digitalize prints and insert them.
No harm was done to winged creatures, fish, or four legged animals in making these comments, and that’s good!
text copyright MOSAherne 2013. All Rights Reserved.